For much of my childhood, I grew up in a single-parent environment with an amazing mother who was also, among her many mom responsibilities, working an administrative university job during the day while taking evening classes in an ambitious pursuit of a Masters degree.
It seems that we tend to reflect on those lessons that our parents tried to teach us only after we become parents ourselves. I’ve been reflecting a lot lately. One of the great life lessons that I learned from my mother is this: “Anything worth doing is worth doing right.”
It took many years for me to become mature enough to understand that lesson, but I would never have imagined the profound impact that those words would have on my approach to life, parenting and work…and the complex feelings of frustration, anxiety, passion, impatience and failure, that I feel when accepting anything less the the best effort for the best outcome.
Put simply: Sub-optimization pisses me off. I have little patience for anything less than the best effort towards the best possible outcome.
This became evident to me this week when I was part of a working group of peers that decided to knowingly accept that we were proposing (what I felt was) a less-than-ideal solution to a business process problem, with a rationalization that this approach may be more beneficial to longer term goals with more impactful (and positive) outcomes.
I felt as though we were teetering too close to politicking in our decision. And it just didn’t feel good and righteous. Still doesn’t.
That said, I’m continuing to use my Shawn Achor techniques of finding different “angles of reality” to the situation in order to identify the positive outcomes from the experience. Progress is not the best solution, but it’s progress. (Keep repeating, Steve.) The “pro” prefix has that positive connotation, right?
That experience led to this great question that I find myself wrestling with this weekend: Must a leader, especially one that strives for a collaborative and adaptive approach within a complex environment, have that trait of accepting sub-optimization today in order to engage a greater audience that can achieve more positively impactful, longer term gains somewhere down the road?
(I’m pretty sure the answer is yes. And I’m pretty sure that is a leadership trait that I must further cultivate within my professional development plan.)
I still believe that anything worth doing is worth doing right. I will continue to be frustrated by sub-optimization. However, I will improve my ability to understand reality’s constraints on the situations that lead to sub-optimal, but still progress-generating solutions, which should enable a greater tolerance and leadership capacity.
Here’s the thing that I didn’t realize until I reflected on this week’s experience: My frustration was just an instinctual response based on that lesson my mother taught me years ago, that being to strive for the best solution for the best possible outcome. I just hadn’t considered the importance that factoring in all of the outside forces, whether they are controlled or uncontrolled, must play in order to accept and appreciate one’s reality.
I think I do realize that importance now – especially as I recall my mom’s pursuit for a Masters degree. She first factored in the responsibilities and demands (and decisions) that went with raising two hellions. She made under-appreciated sacrifices and accepted the slow progress of her pursuit, which maybe wasn’t always the best solution for her individual goals — she must have recognized the long term benefit of the approach and the legacy it would leave by placing the priority on the progress, rather than just necessarily on the end game.
My mother did eventually earned her Masters degree, then went on to earn a PhD. Now she is a retired grandmother spending a cold winter’s month at a warm southern beach. Well-played, mom. (Perhaps another lesson I will eventually learn from her.)
Indeed, it’s important to accept slow or small progress in order achieve the larger, longer-term goal. Indeed, I continue to learn lessons from my mom. Indeed, my life priorities are absolutely in order because of her. And indeed, I still need to work on my patience.
Thanks for sharing.
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